TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
