I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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