Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
