I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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