i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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