I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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