I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize