I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
