it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
