Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
