I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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Four minutes until I can fart!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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