will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
