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So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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