people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
