The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
