Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
