Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me