Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.