Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
