They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
