Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
