dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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