last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My vagina just clenched in fear
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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