my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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