Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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