Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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