if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
