I smell stomach acid.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.