wanna go halves on a baby?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night