Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants