My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
