I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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