I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
