the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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