So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
