her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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