It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
