cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
