the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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