made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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