you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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