hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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