Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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