You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
