No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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