If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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