My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
