I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
