And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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