Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
