i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize