I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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