she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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