Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
