So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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