Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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