its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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