About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
